if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
