Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
