i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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