i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We were destined to go to rehab together
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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