I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
