Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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