I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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