I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
