So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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