I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Randomize
