How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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