i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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