So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
