So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
