dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
