You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
