Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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