life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
