i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
