tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
