he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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