that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
