conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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