I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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