i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
