he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
