I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
