i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
