I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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