TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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