I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
