Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
