i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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