its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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