You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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