My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
