Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
