turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
