At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
