I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
