he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
