So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
