i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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