I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
