It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
