Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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