Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
