you traded sex for a burrito?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
