there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
