Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
