I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
