boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
