I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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