nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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