i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
