you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
