whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
