Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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