is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
